Getting married, for a Balinese, means a huge life-changing event that begins with a big celebration that can take days, involving a series of traditional ceremonies. A wedding in Balinese tradition is an extended family affair. Therefore, it is not only the family members who are involved in preparing the ritual, but the entire member of the Banjar.(Balinese traditional community where the bride and the groom belong)
Pre-Wedding Rituals
Before the big day, members of the Banjar from where the groom belongs come to the house where the ceremony will take place to help prepare for the ceremony. The men get together to built a bamboo structure in which offerings will take place, a whole pig will be prepared to feed the masses during this series of events. The women get together to prepare offerings and decorations made of bamboo leaves.
Memadik or Ngebet
This is the proposal ceremony where the groom’s family visits the bride’s family to formally ask for her hand in marriage. When the permission is granted, both families will set a dewasa ayu or a “good day” according to the Balinese Hindu calendar. The selection is made by a Sulinggih, an expert in selecting dates for Hindu beliefs. This is why a Balinese wedding can sometimes take place on a working day.
Ngekeb
This ritual symbolises the becoming of a woman. The bride is secluded in her home for a day before the wedding. During this time, she is pampered and prepared for the ceremony. She will take a bath in a mixture of peacock leaves, ylang flowers, turmeric and rice. Preparing her not only aesthetically, but mentally, she will then remain in her room until the morning of the wedding when the groom comes to collect her.
Ngungkab Lawang
Ngungkab Lawang simply translates as “opening the door.” When the groom comes to fetch the bride, he knocks on the door accompanied by traditional music and singing. The bride wears a yellow attire which signifies that she is ready to leave her past behind and start a new life with her partner. Upon arriving at the groom’s house, the bride passes her yellow veil to her mother-in-law and in return, receives symbolic silver coins called kepeng.
Wedding Day Rituals
The traditional Balinese wedding involves many steps, each steeped with religious and cultural significance. The wedding ceremony starts off with mekala-kalaan, where bamboo is burnt to ward of spirits that might cause marital disharmony. During metegen-tegenan, the groom takes a walk carrying a basket attached to a bamboo pole while his bride sweeps the path before him, symbolising their intention to unite in work together. Medagang-dagangan ritual sees the couple exchanging symbolic gifts. The majaya-jaya is the closest in likeness to ceremony proper as it is lead by a high priest and involves prayers to the gods and ancestors. This is typically followed by a signature of legal documents.
Post Wedding Rituals
After the wedding, the newly weds and the groom’s family visit the bride’s family. bringing Balinese traditional food and essential goods, such as rice and sugar. This usually marks the end of the Balinese wedding ceremony and symbolises the coming together of two families. The bride sometimes takes this opportunity to visit her family altar to pray to and inform her ancestors that she has officially cleaved off from the family.
FAQ for The Clueless Guest
How Long Does A Balinese Wedding Last?
A Balinese wedding typically last 3 days due to the intricate and detail oriented processions, rituals and ceremonies.
What are some Balinese Wedding Etiquette I Need to be Aware Of?
As a guest, you’ll most likely be invited on the wedding day (as described above). In general, the rituals are serious affairs and largely solemn, therefore tone down your voice when speaking and minimise any distracting movements. A buffet feast typically follows after. There is no designated sitting and guest can come and go as they like. All in all, remember to be respectful and observant. It helps to take a cue and mimic the locals when in doubt.
What Should I Wear to a Balinese Wedding?
Guest should be mindful about their attire. You cannot go wrong with a simple kebaya for the females and a collared short sleeve shirt with sarong for the men. Batik shirts and long pants are appropriate as well. Avoid sleeveless attires and skirts or dresses that end above the shin.
What Sort of Gifts Should I Bring?
In modern times, wedding gifts come in the form of cash in an enclosed envelope. The amount varies according to the depth of relationship a guest shares with the couple and his or her financial capabilities. Alternatively, household items are welcomed too.